By Shaun Yeager
When I was a Christian, I never once felt the presence of the Christian god, not once. But for some reason, I still clung to Christianity. That is until the Church of England allowed homosexuals to marry in the churches and black vicars became more common. That was the moment I rejected my former religion. The whole thing just didn’t feel right. I didn’t embrace atheism; however, I continued to believe in a creator and that which exists beyond the physical world – beyond that which we can see.
For a while I read numerous books on Buddhism and East Asian philosophies and religions. Alan Watts was my go-to author during this time. Finally, after reading a book on Taoism, I decided that I was going to become a Taoist monk (or try to become one). Taoism is a very difficult religion/philosophy to explain but I’ll try my best. First, I’ll try and explain what Tao is. Tao is a creator and an infinite energy that exists at the centre of all things. Tao, with training and development of the mind, body and spirit, can be harnessed to make man stronger, more resilient and more focused (among other things).
As with all East Asian religions it requires sacrifice. Most notably, the sacrifice of gadgets – phones, ipods, laptops, you name it. It also requires you to eat as healthily as you can, so no more chocolate cake, crisps and pop. Furthermore, because it is said in Taoism that the farmer is closer to the Tao than the priest, you are required to take on as much hard labour as possible. (Well, this was my conclusion).
My attempt at becoming a Taoist monk was an interesting and physically draining experience. Every morning I would get up at 05:00 hours, have some breakfast (this would usually consist of oats and fruit), complete as many chores as I could find and settle down to study Lao Tzu’s “Tao Te Ching” in the garden.
The Tao Te Ching is essentially a collection of extremely esoteric teachings about attaining and understanding equilibrium (balance), or as they like to call it, “Yin & Yang”, and also about understanding the origin and purpose of the Tao as well as how to harness it. I’ll give you an example of one of the teachings from the John C. H. Wu translation:
“ Tao can be talked about, but not the eternal Tao.
Names can be named, but not the eternal Name
As the origin of heaven-and-earth, it is nameless:
As “the mother” of all things, it is nameable.
So, as ever hidden, we should look at its inner essence:
As always manifest, we should look at its outer aspects.
These two flow from the same source, though differently named:
And both are called mysteries.
The Mystery of mysteries is the door of all essence.”
As you can see, I wasn’t kidding about the teachings being extremely esoteric. I’m not going to go into what I took from these teachings because I’d be here all day, but what I will tell you is that once I understood, or thought I understood, one of the teachings, I felt a static shock and I gave that shock to someone who was stood next to me at the time. I was stood in the kitchen, pacing up and down trying to understand, until, out of nowhere, it clicked, and the static shock suddenly appeared. It was a really interesting and scary experience. It’s worth noting, however, that I was only ever able understand one teaching out of 81, and I would spend hours upon hours trying to understand just one.
What drove me away from Taoism was the fact that even though I’d experienced – something – while I was practising it, it never felt right, it never resonated with what I later understood to be my “race-soul”.
My penultimate religion was Esoteric Hitlerism. As you can probably guess, I was already a National Socialist by this time.
I became interested in EH after reading Savitri Devi’s “The Lightening and the Sun”, a book that is known to be the “entry point”. I came to believe that Adolf Hitler was an avatar of the Hindu god, Vishnu: the preserver. I also came to understand the concepts (and what I later consciously accepted as truth) of “The Man in Time”, “The Man Against Time” and “The Man Above Time”. But unfortunately, that’s where it ended. I’m not ashamed to admit that Miguel Serrano was and may still be far above my level of understanding. After all, we can only understand that which the courage of our hearts allows us to.
My final and current religion is Wodenism.
It was actually through a book written by Swain Wodening called “Hammer of the Gods” that I first became interested in the dormant, Nature-based religion of our pagan ancestors.
It was within this book that I learned about the customs, traditions, tribal laws, Gods and world-view of Anglo-Saxon paganism. I also came to understand that there are currently two types of pagans in the world – the racial ones and the wrong ones: you know the type, the hippies and homosexuals who defile Stonehenge with their black boyfriends, technicolour personalities and uncontrolled alcohol and drug consumption.
Their entire world-view is, like all liberals, “if it feels good, do it!” Their way of looking at the world is diametrically opposed to what our pagan ancestors believed in. They believed, like I, and I suspect, many other Wodenists/Wotanists/Odinists and other racial pagans believe today, that happiness is nothing, but greatness is everything. This truth is confirmed in the Edda, where themes of struggle and strife and violence flow through the ancient and sacred tales. This truth is most easily found in Gylfaginning, most notably in the part where Valhalla is explained. Warriors who fall on the battlefield – warriors whom the Valkyries select to die, after receiving a soft kiss, are taken to Valhalla (a great bright hall where the roof is made of shields and a female goat resides in the centre, producing mead for the Gods and fallen warriors to drink) and into the ranks of Woden’s elite: the Einherjar, to fight and die on the Plains of Consecration and feast in the great hall every day and night. That is until Heimdall, the whitest of all the Gods and the guardian of the Bifrost Bridge (a bridge that allows travel between the Nine Realms: Niflheim, Muspelheim, Asgard, Midgard, Jotunheim, Vanaheim, Alfheim, Svartelfheim and Helheim) sounds his Gjallarhorn, signalling the start of Ragnarok – the beginning of the end for most of the Gods and the Nine Realms.
Now, the fact that all wrong “pagans” and indeed some racial pagans don’t believe in Valhalla (I do) and regard it as a myth is irrelevant. What matters is that our ancestors believed it. By subscribing to a world-view of “whatever feels good, do it”, the wrong “pagans” are spitting on the graves of our ancestors, our homeland and on our Gods. This is why I’ve taken to calling them “wrong pagans”. Simply because they’re not pagans at all; they’re hippies with a very basic understanding of Norse mythology which they learned from the Hollywood Thor films. Kinsfolk, Wyrd (destiny) and the Norns (the Goddesses of Fate: Urd, Skuld and Verdandi) are words and Goddesses that are totally alien to them and will remain so.
After coming to this conclusion, I dived into Ron McVan’s “Temple of Wotan” to learn more about racial paganism – true paganism. Suffice to say, I came out of this incredible book with an absolute certainty that paganism was racially exclusive. At this point, with me being a National Socialist, I had to find the whole truth.
I picked up Ron McVan’s “Creed of Iron” and jumped straight into it with great enthusiasm. When I reached the page which contains the 14 Codes of Aryan of Pagan Ethics, and as I read them, a smile danced across my face.
“Code 1: Honour no Gods but those of your own Folk, as alien Gods destroy you.”
“Code 5: Love, protect, reproduce and advance your Folk, as natural instinct prohibits miscegenation and self-destruction.”
I continued reading:
“Code 12: Be as cunning as the fox with enemies and skraelings, as their goal is your extinction.”
Then came the one that sealed the deal for me and found residence in my heart and soul:
“Code 14: Live in harmony with Nature and the Folk, and compromise not with evil, as racial survival is your perpetual struggle.”
I can barely put into words how much this resonated with my race-soul – further strengthened by the fact that I proudly was and still am, a National Socialist. After finishing the book, I realised that my discovery of Wodenism was like finding the final piece I needed to complete myself – to truly know myself.
But even though I had the final piece it wasn’t connected, it remained just an add-on for quite some time, until I decided to seek out fellow Wodenists. Several months later, I attended my first folk-moot. It was an amazing experience with equally amazing people – my people – my blood.
The whole event had a truly profound effect on me. Through socialising with my folk, with noble people of my race, I was given a vision of a way of life that once was and can be again for our people, but only if we have the courage to take the future for ourselves.
I also took part in my first Blot (a ritual of sorts). At first, as I explained to one of my kinsfolk, I thought the modern man within me would silently laugh at the idea and reject it. But to my surprise, this wasn’t the case. As soon as the circle was formed and the wind became silent, and the rites began, I instantly connected to every single person within that circle despite it being the first time meeting them. I had never before in my life felt such a connection to people I had only just met, to what the modern individual would call “strangers”.
But maybe that’s because they’re not strangers; maybe it’s because – in fact, I’m absolutely certain that it’s because – they’re my blood, my extended family, (most National Socialists will be familiar with this term) enhanced by the fact that we think alike and we view the world in a similar way, and by the fact that we exist on the same spiritual plane. The only way I can possibly begin to describe this to you is…well, imagine everything around you being completely devoid of colour, except a few special men and women who not only retain their natural colour and vibrancy but also, as they move and express themselves, bring colour to everything around them.
Several weeks after this event, I began to honour my Gods every day. Seven of my Gods are connected to days of the week. Monday is connected to Freyja (Goddess of love, fertility and queen of the Valkyries), Tuesday is connected to Tyr (God of justice, victory and predecessor of Allfather Woden), Wednesday is connected to Allfather Woden (Lord of war, life, death, wisdom and chief of the Gods) Thursday is connected to Thunor (God of thunder, strength, and defender of the Gods), Friday is connected to Frigga (wife of Woden and foremost of the Goddesses), Saturday is connected to Balder (the immortal, bright God and most beloved God), and Sunday is connected to Frey (God of the sun and virility). Furthermore, each has their own rune, number, colour and planet. Example: Freyja’s rune is Berkano, her number is 9, her colour is violet and her planet is the Moon. Tyr’s rune is Tiwaz, his number is 5, his colour is red and his planet is Mars.
I will also give you an example of one of the invocations from Creed of Iron which I use to honour Allfather:
Hail Woden! Giver of Victory!
Thou who knowest the runes of wisdom and power,
I stand before you and welcome you this day.
Bring our people to know the strength of your ancient ways.
Grant us knowledge of thy wisdom that I may better serve thee and our folk.
Great Woden, it is you who has fired our hearts and our minds in the roaring cauldron of our creative racial instinct.
Grant prosperity to us and well-being to our kind as long as we live.
We thank thee, Woden,
Allfather and high one of the Aesir and Vanir.
May strength and honour be with you and our people always.
Despite being a practising Wodenist, I didn’t feel the presence of my Gods until fairly recently. For a while I remained solidified in my belief that the Gods were just Jungian archetypes that live in our collective folk consciousness, symbols passed down to us through our blood and genetic memory by our ancestors. The purpose of these archetypes is for them to serve as models for us. We try to live our lives by the examples our Gods set in the mythologies. Allfather hung from Yggdrasil (the World Tree that connects the Nine Realms) with a spear wound for nine days and nine nights to learn the secret of the runes. Before that, he sacrificed his left eye to attain knowledge in the Well of Mimir.
Woden’s lesson, example or message if you like, is to be constantly working towards physical, mental and spiritual self-evolution – working towards a higher self – towards ever higher and perfect states of consciousness through sacrificing your inferior self, over and over again. This is essentially what I believe to be the philosophical concept of “becoming”. More specifically, Nietzsche’s concept of “becoming”, where, as Jonathan Bowden roughly said, you take all the pain, all the suffering, all the despair, all the weakness, and you absorb it and destroy it through an act of will – through a conscious decision to become better. You say to yourself, “I am better than this! I must become and will become Ubermensch (the Superman). It is my personal wyrd (destiny)!”
I first felt the presence of my Gods when I was out hiking in a location that will go unnamed.
After ascending up a mountain, I decided to meditate (something I started doing after practising Taoism) on the 24 Futhark runes and my Wodenist name. I stood up when my meditation came to an end and began to walk to the edge of the mountain. I stood at the edge and a gentle wind manifested itself. The wind quickly became incredibly strong and I had to readjust my stance to stay on my feet. That was when something absolutely incredible and reality-defying happened: I felt the presence of Allfather! I felt his power and heard his voice in the mighty wind as it tore past my body. For five minutes I stood there embracing the wind – embracing the presence of Woden with a smile on my face and my arms upraised. I didn’t bloody care that the other hikers were looking at me (as I later found out).
I eventually decided to lower my arms. I turned around and began my descent down the mountain. Roughly three minutes into my descent, as I was navigating my way around some broken stone steps, it started to rain. The rain was very light, abnormally light, even. But then it started to become heavier and faster. I stopped my descent and closed my eyes for a moment. It was Thunor! And just like Allfather, I could feel him in the rain. I could hear his voice and feel his power!
I felt an almost unstoppable urge to challenge him, and so I did.
“Show me what you’ve got! Show me what you can do, Thunor!” I said, staring at the sky with great anticipation.
Several minutes later, there was still no change in the speed of the rain, and so I decided to resume my descent. But again, out of nowhere a clap of thunder echoed through the sky. It was so unexpected that I slipped and fell onto my arse. But I didn’t care. I had a muddy backside, but I did not care, not one bit. Two of the Gods had revealed themselves to me!
The reality questioning events didn’t end there. While I was waiting for the others to catch up, I decided to wander into a nearby church to look at the architecture. Upon entering the church I was immediately (and not surprisingly) met with several posters about how we should give up all that we have earned, and all that we have, and all that we are to help a hostile and competing race survive. I rolled my eyes and continued looking at the architecture.
I made my way towards an altar upon which a large wooden cross sat. This is when I started to realise that my footsteps were getting louder and heavier the closer I came to the altar. When I reached the altar my entire body became five times heavier. I couldn’t explain it, until I came to understand that what I was feeling was the anger, hatred and fury of the Christian god – my former god – the god I abandoned. I was in awe; it was incredible. I looked at a picture of Christ on a plate-glass window and smiled with contempt. In my head I remember saying, “your father has no power over me, not anymore”. I tilted my head and turned heel. As I got closer to the exit, the almost supernatural weight lifted and everything returned to normal. And with that, I left.
My Gods exist! The Christian god exists! An entire world, that has remained invisible to me since birth, exists! But not in the way you think. Gods are not walking around as biological entities. Their spirit and presence exists in Nature. But the place where their presence is strongest – the place where you can truly feel them? It is the mountain. That’s where Gods lie.
“Nature’s laws evidence the divine plan, as the Natural world is the work of Allfather.”
Code 2, 14 Codes of Aryan Pagan Ethic
Whether you believe me or not is not of great importance to me; I don’t care. I didn’t write this for the skeptics, or even those who have already felt the presence of their God/Gods. This article is for those who believe that something greater exists but have yet to experience it. They’re the ones I wrote this for.
“To be affronted by solitude without decadence or a single material thing to prostitute it elevates you to a spiritual plane, where I felt the presence of God. Now, there’s the God they taught me about at school. And there is the God that’s hidden by what surrounds us in this civilization. That’s the God I met on the mountain.” – Unknown